Archives for posts with tag: cats

Totally been an over the top completely out of wack tough and rough week in … well mostly in my head. I mean there is a lot of things outside my control that are contributing to that too. My ability to navigate life organically was exhausted this week and I have been in anxiety & panic land. Its not pretty. 🤦‍♀️

I have really just been looking forward to being alone with my quilt and the tv. Everything else is almost too much. My heart feels like its racing, I feel like I need to gasp for air (I am not gasping though) and I know Im just having anxiety and insecurities.

My kids and pets have been wonderful though!

I like the animals best. Good friends. No stupid comments lol

How was your weekend? A question I casually ask my co-worker on Monday morning. But the question rotates in my head, it is an iceberg, and its actually aggressively flopping over on some unexpected kayakers… ok lol maybe not quite that dramatic.

But- I am going to say it. I found the weekend to be stressful. The mad delayed mad rush. The panicky moments. The division. The lack of belonging. I don’t want to do a minute catalogue/bitch fest… Deep down I feel lost. This isn’t where I am supposed to be. I want so much more.

I want my own home, and not someone else’s. Not someone else’s fucking moods or ideas. Captain of my own ship. Dang.

I might have googled cheapest houses in Canada lol yes I know thats a 6 months old article

I’m so tired of not feeling at home where I live/sleep.

I’m so tired of re-reading my previous journals etc and seeing how there has been a constant undercurrent of goddamned fuckery running through basically the entire thing… I feel so uncomfortable outside of my own retreat all the time ☹

Bah humbug. Is this the Mondays?

I guess my current feels are looking forward to not living with crazy. Not having the immediacy and sheer overwhelming loudness of the children, and my resentment for how much work they create for me and how many friggin times I have to ask them to do things or just do them myself. I want to be alone. I am tired. Everything feels like too much all the time and always the possibility of freedom and contentment like the beginnings of mountains in the distance. But after years of driving they don’t seem to get closer…

Ok fine I’m depressed as fuck about my life.

The joy starts when I shut my door and settle in with the furry creatures and the threads and let the tv just go. 😊 tea, liquor, doesn’t matter when I’m in the zone. Heck a full bottle of water is the main need ❤ I been letting Archer play, and the Office. Last night I think I watched like 4 episodes of Myths & Monsters. Well listened as I was watching my work.

Area Stark loves this quilt so much. She kept climbing onto the spot I was working on and I didn’t want to peel/roll her off but come on little lady lol

The back. I’ll admit it I have no idea what I am doing weeee😁

So the highlight of my weekend occurred when the world fucked off. I foresee myself finding a cabin in the woods- far the fuck away from people destroying the planet and literally everything else. All of it. Shhh

I’ve had enough. A little hurt. A little raw. Blah blah blah like dracula 🧛‍♂️

Day 2 of waking up without a headache 😁🐴!! I really felt under the weather yesterday & honestly I’m surprised I feel better today. It is good news (even though I wouldn’t mind having a day off work to pursue my own selfish desires – which is sew in front of the boob tube all day haha).

All I’ve been working on is hexies. I am not even sure what the end game is. Probably quilt top- probably big enough too. I thing I am unsure of is whether to add a whole bunch of solid (panels or pieces). I’m also just inclined to do whatever the hell I want- don’t ask questions 🤗 because basically I just need to practice and get my skillz all honed up!

cats ❤ quilts

I was stressing about this weekend so I cancelled all plans and focused on being home- being rested & just being! I am really glad I did too! Some of my friends might be mad at me for backing out but 🤔 sometimes you have to go with your gut – even if it makes you look like a nutbar 😁!!

Okay I have to go to work now 😑 & the snow is coming so the commute home might be hella sketchy 😐😑😐… damn.

It seems to me like the day crawled and flew by, in turns.  I was hungry before lunch – and so engrossed in work at leaving time I almost wished I didn’t have to rush to make it through traffic to pick up the kids before 6:00pm.  (That’s when after school program ends)

I whipped up a crazy restaurant design – and can’t wait to turn it into something usable!

 
It kinda still looks like crappola – give me time give me time!  Tomorrow we get portraits done for the web page :S I am not happy with this thought – meant to get my hair cut (at least) on the weekend but didn’t so it’s gonna be my really growed out blond ends… Oh dear.

Didn’t finish Aly’s last pillow tonight – but I started it!

   
The last strip of white cat fabric I sewed on is about 3/4 of an inch shorter than I need it to be.  Do I pull it off and re-do OR just make the other sides thicker or add leopard to the next layer ??  I feel like framing it out  is the best idea.  Than all it needs are the back pieces !!!!

  

Today was a crazy hectic morning – I actually made it to work on time!  Booya Grandma!  (That’s rare – I’m usually 10-15 late sometimes 30 💩)   Our secretary didn’t show up at work today so guess who got the call forward – that’s right me!  Cause the designer is supposed to do call forward and transfer calls to Craig – 95% of all calls are for Craig.  Why don’t we call forward to Craig? Because Mr. Boss wants me specifically to answer the phone.  I honestly think it’s a gender thing.  Why?  Just meet the strutting chauvinistic pea fowl and you will understand 😉 

Anyways I got the work done that I needed to, managed dinner, karate, yelling till hygiene happened , and finished reading Harry Potter & the Philiosophers Stone to Hazel & Helix.  Then made pillow – now want sleep!!

   
 

Hayden is be the last Harry potter book-we have catching up to do.

  

So – I got a little excited and picked up a walking foot – spray adhesive, thread and batting yesterday!!!
So I laid it on the bed this morning cause I have to cut it and stitch it so it will be the right shape.

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Then I made a critical error and left the house to take my girlfriends car to get some new tires.

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While I was out stupid cats damaged the batting. Grrrrrr 😡
Oh well. Also want to make stockings so I bought some Christmassy fabrics!

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I wasn’t supposed to spend any money so I’m hoping Chris doesn’t freak out when he finds out I bought like 7-8 yards of stuff…
I really like the mouse one:

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And I can’t wait to get into sewing tomorrow!!!!

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It turns out that Friday night was a night of good news in varying forms for me. Firstly I acquired some evidence for my case – and things were already looking really good for me – therefore I have icing for the cake? Or just more skeletons in the closet? Not sure because sometimes having all the things I knew about brought into the light makes me feel so foolish for staying so long. Secondly my lovely Christopher was blessed in just the perfect way (I won’t go into details) but it lead to a happier and more chaotic weekend than originally anticipated.

So I stayed up stupid late tonight making 4 patches:
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I made 16 of them.
Area Stark enjoyed my blocks,

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As did Pumpkin Pi.

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And then General Khan heard me talking to the kitties and had to get in on the action!

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So I feel good about my progress. I have a total of 20 blocks of 56, so 1/3 of the way there!

Ok collapsing time!