Totally been an over the top completely out of wack tough and rough week in … well mostly in my head. I mean there is a lot of things outside my control that are contributing to that too. My ability to navigate life organically was exhausted this week and I have been in anxiety & panic land. Its not pretty. 🤦♀️
I have really just been looking forward to being alone with my quilt and the tv. Everything else is almost too much. My heart feels like its racing, I feel like I need to gasp for air (I am not gasping though) and I know Im just having anxiety and insecurities.
My kids and pets have been wonderful though!
I like the animals best. Good friends. No stupid comments lol
How was your weekend? A question I casually ask my co-worker on Monday morning. But the question rotates in my head, it is an iceberg, and its actually aggressively flopping over on some unexpected kayakers… ok lol maybe not quite that dramatic.
But- I am going to say it. I found the weekend to be stressful. The mad delayed mad rush. The panicky moments. The division. The lack of belonging. I don’t want to do a minute catalogue/bitch fest… Deep down I feel lost. This isn’t where I am supposed to be. I want so much more.
I want my own home, and not someone else’s. Not someone else’s fucking moods or ideas. Captain of my own ship. Dang.
I might have googled cheapest houses in Canada lol yes I know thats a 6 months old article
I’m so tired of not feeling at home where I live/sleep.
I’m so tired of re-reading my previous journals etc and seeing how there has been a constant undercurrent of goddamned fuckery running through basically the entire thing… I feel so uncomfortable outside of my own retreat all the time ☹
Bah humbug. Is this the Mondays?
I guess my current feels are looking forward to not living with crazy. Not having the immediacy and sheer overwhelming loudness of the children, and my resentment for how much work they create for me and how many friggin times I have to ask them to do things or just do them myself. I want to be alone. I am tired. Everything feels like too much all the time and always the possibility of freedom and contentment like the beginnings of mountains in the distance. But after years of driving they don’t seem to get closer…
Ok fine I’m depressed as fuck about my life.
The joy starts when I shut my door and settle in with the furry creatures and the threads and let the tv just go. 😊 tea, liquor, doesn’t matter when I’m in the zone. Heck a full bottle of water is the main need ❤ I been letting Archer play, and the Office. Last night I think I watched like 4 episodes of Myths & Monsters. Well listened as I was watching my work.
Area Stark loves this quilt so much. She kept climbing onto the spot I was working on and I didn’t want to peel/roll her off but come on little lady lol
The back. I’ll admit it I have no idea what I am doing weeee😁
So the highlight of my weekend occurred when the world fucked off. I foresee myself finding a cabin in the woods- far the fuck away from people destroying the planet and literally everything else. All of it. Shhh
I’ve had enough. A little hurt. A little raw. Blah blah blah like dracula 🧛♂️
Good morning. Things are exciting in my world right now. Yesterday my car died. I do not relish finding out the cost of the necessary repairs. Today is my oldest child’s sweet 16! I ordered a vegan chocolate peanut butter cake for the weekend to take with us to my boyfriends. Not sure if I will have wheels to pick up the cake and go to the next town over… I guess its not worth worrying about. I will find out soon enough what the damage is.
I have been watching The 100 for a while now, I wanted to watch the last two episodes last night while I attempted hand quilting for the first time (besides the coaster I made). Watched episode 15, and there was no episode 16 last night. Its there today but it pisses me off because I planned on watching the two back to back. So I didnt get to and that makes me angsty because what the actual fuck. I planned this in my day planner for fucks sake and it makes no sense. Maybe because I live in Canada? sigh… I am not sure about watching it today during the day and this afternoon/evening should be some birthday celebrate oh and its a FULL MOON!!! 😮 😮 😮 and also I play Dungeons & Dragons on Thursday nights at 9. So we are full up and its just not fair. so I ended up watching way too many episodes of Archer instead lol.
Hoop! Threads! Needles!
So my stitches are not at all even. I bent the needle a bit 🤔 and tried all the thimbles but still didn’t quite get into a routine… I bet by the time I get through the entire thing I’ll feel a bit more comfortable.
Here’s hoping its not catastrophically expensive to fix 🤞Love my boy ❤🤙
My love of history and how things are connected. Objects like these old quilts provide a glimpse into the lives of people. Both everyday and special occasion. 🤙(Paranormal/Ghost stories also hook me in with tons of old stories, old architecture & a connection to the present 👻
So many huge concepts to expand upon! Colonization, slavery, hope, freedom, war, unity… and the day to day. The utilitarian needs of the people 🤔 These stories touch me, and it is so incredibly easy to make me cry 😥
And of course I started thinking of who my family are and where they come from. I got to wondering if I should try to map some of this out in an artistic format 🤔 + nature + animals +music 🇨🇦🇺🇦🌲🐎🎵 the problem is that I want to do too much lol lol lol
Unlike so many of the people I see lecturing or discussing quilting, I had no quilter in my family growing up. My Baba cross stitched. My mom could sew I knew but I dont really remember her sewing. When I think of my earliest quilt related memory, I think of a picture I drew in an old journal of a horse. I wanted to turn that into a quilt. I have no idea where I got the idea from. I feel like I was maybe 12 and maybe in BC when I drew it.
These 4″ squares came in the mail (100) cause I ordered them 😀 I have no plans. I will get to make some 👌😋
Finally getting somewhere with these masks. I’m waiting for some elastic to come in the mail to finish them off. At first glance you’d think- there’s enough here and I am done making them.
There is enough for kids and I to have two (my mom said she wanted some though too I think… I’m not sure what fabric she would like 🤔🤷♀️) I have a cute bunny print I want to use too but it hasnt been prewashed so… not committed. Some are tighter pleated than others, I’ll get the full experience of how and who they fit shortly lol.
I screenshot this one today. I like the forward fold & button 😁❤🤙maybe I’ll try 1 like that next round.
I am loving this audiobook soo much 🥰
Now I need to beat myself into bed even though I feel like I have only scratched the surface of what I am trying to say lol
This work week hasnt been too busy (*so far🙄😁💪👍👌), but my personal life has gotten thicker needs & as I am working from home these challenges fill in the work blanks. It used to be that we would be slow in the office and I would be all bent out of shape knowing so many things need my attention at home. Now that I am here I love that I can wear my hammer pants and silk skirts and random fashion mashups without fear! I can throw on laundry or lunch and if I get a bad tummy no one notices lol i do miss some of the work interactions and stuff. I miss a couple of my coworkers too. Others are just as frustrating to deal with from afar haaaaaa 🤗😘🤦♀️😬
Being on top of the kids remote schooling (gr 8 and gr 6) and remote/minimal 2-3 single class school for my gr 11 is a whole nuther animal 🐅☄ I have to be tech support and scheduling and motivation and cook lol 🌋 I cant tell you the amount of times Ive suddenly exclaimed “shit!” Realizing I missed making sure we all friggin brush our teeth and stuff like that 🤦♀️😬😁😋 Yesterday I managed to make a buncha phone calls and do some important emails and felt pretty good about the amount of productive I had achieved. But yeah~ realized I forgot to brush the teeth in the morning 🙄 bah. I mean to set myself a bunch of alarms but also and quietly pushing back… I can only guess its because I’m difficult and dont like to follow directions when given authoritatively. Ha.
I laid my partially done blocks on an old sheet. My splurging with the pink and purple really hijacked my plan 🤔 I’m going to bulk them up with the neutrals & see what it looks like then.
I’m not sure about greeny here though 🤔 when I see it laid out I think I should trim it out. Or cover it with like applique butterflies in the neutrals or… put it on the back or … maybe thats my very centre square… the nucleus so to speak 🤔👌
I need to not have that much suture like stitches showing I think. And I might like it maybe but I’m not sure. I think I’m afraid other people will think I’m lazy (I am and am not to both extents randomly so 🤗😎💪).
So I proved to myself I could stitch em less obviouslike 🤔
I have so many things I want to do I feel paralyzed by indecision 🤯🤪 I guess I should make more masks first though.
I am really super interested in whole food plant based eating right now. We are a year in, or a little more actually. I am super interested in nutrition, and in growing things. I want to know more about permaculture, food forests, organic growing, soil culture/structure/biology/ecology gahrgleblah. I do not need or want more student debt. I’m looking for free online things to start (of which there are a plethora) and I know slow and steady… but I am
I am consistently pushing the limits of bedtime and I know I shouldnt but I just love it when the house is quiet and no one is bugging. For some unknown reason I signed up for a 10:30pm online lesson entitled Food for Health. I settled in to take notes but realized it was basically review for me so I stitched together the hexies happily until I stitched one on the wrong way lol.
From afar you’ll never see the small imperfections. I kind of love ’em. I’ve considered really highlighting them 😁 🤷♀️😎🤔👍
Since this is on the warm side maybe I’ll pare it with cool dark purples… or? What do you think?
I’ve been thinking I should aim to post at the same time everyday or on some kind of schedule… yeah I do that! Spend time thinking about how to get organized- run out of time, no organization in sight 🤦♀️
I have ADHD. Sometimes things that shouldn’t be overwhelming are hella overwhelming for me. Prioritizing and organizing tasks ppffftttt my tasks are in the tornado and its all spinning around out of control. Neat. Ooohhh wicked witch 😜😎😁🤗🙄🤷♀️
Lately I’ve been wanting to say a lot more on here (but I’m writing this from the bathroom and my bfs waiting for me in bed lmao so I gotta go!!!🤣😜🤦♀️)
Spent time sewing in the sunlight today😍 it was well worth it 😁😎 the daylight is so much better than the useless lights I use at night.
Dont mind the mess 😁New audiobook from library
Started listening to this while sewing- its good 😍👌
Beautiful vegetable barley soup i made from scratch 😍My sweet Khan
I need a design board 🤔 or wall… anything other than the floor 😜🤦♀️ (espescially cause I cannot run the vacuum when the house is asleep)[well I can]{its just not recommended 🤭}
Excuse the grungy floor… too many hairy critters about to be sure…⁷
The purple cotton keeps bunching up… but since I didn’t prewash any of these cottons it won’t matter 😜 and crinkles will be here to stay.
Anyways… I’m going to use the dark material for the back.
I just need to decide what size this baby is going to be… I’m at a point where I’m feeling selfish about my hobby… I want them all for me lol!!! 😎👌😜🤦♀️ but they cant all be queen size… or can they? Hmmm 🤔🤷♀️ so yeah what size is this one going to end up? 🤔 we will find out in the future!
My garden rainbow🌈
Anyways its d&d tonight so I gotta get my head on backwards lol
A Time to Create 